Boosting the Self Esteem of Others
High self esteem comes from being sure of your worth as a person; from knowing that you matter to the people who matter to you; from acknowledging your own talents and strengths; from being able to learn from realistic, constructive criticisms and reject damaging ones.
If you use the self esteem boosters I suggested elsewhere on this site, you’ll soon be recognising these things in yourself, but how can you help those around you?
- Judge people on their own terms, don’t compare them with others. If your child usually gets five or six out of ten at school, then eight is an achievement. Who cares if cousin Freddie always gets nine?
- Praise effort and achievement, but keep it in proportion. Wild enthusiasm for everything feels insincere, and it leaves you no way to acknowledge the bigger improvements.
- If you have to criticise, be accurate, polite, constructive and specific. “You missed this deadline” rather than “You’re always late”.
- Challenge negative beliefs - where you can do so honestly and effectively. If someone says “I always fail”, remind them of a time they did well.
- Help others to keep problems in perspective, and to find realistic ways to resolve their difficulties.
- Encourage them to identify their own good points; be specific as to what you like about them. ‘Thank you, that was really thoughtful’ instead of just ‘thanks’.
- Encourage them to accept that the nearest thing to ‘perfect’ is usually ‘the best you could do at the time’.
If someone’s self esteem is very low, you may think they need help from a professional. You can tactfully suggest this, but trying to force someone into any kind of therapy will be counter-productive.
Just do your best to remain understanding and supportive until they are ready.
ebooks relevant to this topic:
How to Build Self Esteem £2.99
(c) Debbie Waller
Advice is given for reference only, and does not replace advice
given by a medical professional.